Tuesday, 3 June 2014


jonah hill, 22 Jump Street, paparazzi, howard stern, alec baldwin,
which shows the depth of his acting talent because 
the man clearly doesn’t give a serious thought 
to anything until he tastes foot in his mouth.
Sue Lukenbaugh/Flickr

Actor Jonah Hill is pretty impressive when other people put words in his mouth. Alas, when left to its own devices, his mouth doesn’t fare nearly as well. In fact it's a bit of a douche. Take its latest episode, a homophobic slur-fest right out of the “How Not to Act” guide to celebrity shitheadedness.

The incident happened when a paparazzo who’d been trailing Jonah all day tried to engage him in conversation. He eventually resorted to flattery, remarking “I like the shorts, bro. They’re sexy," prompting Jonah to respond with a well-bred “Suck my d*ck, faggot.” Which may have been a genuine offer, but nevertheless, tsk. 

Within moments, the news of his offensive comment was splashed all over the Interwebs, leading Jonah to belatedly realize that "words can be hurtful" and to apologize live on the Howard Stern show. And to actually say that some of his best friends are gay. (Friends: We’d prefer you just call us ‘acquaintances.’)

Coming so soon after Justin Bieber’s Road to Black Damascus moment, this incident makes an indisputable case for the importance, nay the absolute necessity, of these dolts putting a paid speaker on their payroll just like they do with the tattoo artists and the hookers. I like to think it’s what their master, Alec Baldwin, would want them to do.  

EDITOR’S NOTE: I don’t quite get the corndog reference in your headline. Is that some sort of fat joke? 
MY NOTE: No, that would be gratuitously cruel and when have you ever known me to be gratuitously cruel, you grotesque pustule on the arse of humanity? It was simply a gratuitous pointer to this picture of me. Which I have always found absurdly flattering.