|BEYONCE, WEARING AN OUTFIT |
CLEARLY DESIGNED TO IMPRESS JESUS
Which if you ask me was a waste of time
because He hasn't lifted a finger to
protect her from Gwyneth Paltrow.
Jezebel reports that Gwyneth selflessly organized the four-day luxury retreat because she "reckons this is just what her friend needs to get her energy back."
So I guess when Beyonce posted that message to God's Instagram account right after the shitkicking, asking Him to deliver her unto better relationships, this is how He responded. By delivering Saint Gwyneth of the Artisanal Yoga Mats rather than doing what I would think would be infinitely more practical, that being dropping nude Javier Bardem holding a keg of vodka on her doorstep. Seriously. He's creator of the universe, how hard would that be? It'd be like buttering a piece of toast.