Thursday, 26 June 2014

SHIA LABEOUF ARRESTED FOR BEING A DOUCHEBAG

HERE'S SHIA LABEOUF WEARING 
A PAPER BAG OVER HIS HEAD 
at the premiere of Nymphomaniac 
a few months ago. Which went over so well 
he decided to go even more batshit crazy 
at a showing of Cabaret last night.  
Wikipedia

In what was either a publicity stunt gone wrong or a bad batch of steroids, Shia Labeouf has just given a new movie the goose of a lifetime. He couldn't have commanded more eyeballs had he shown up in bondage boots and no underpants. Not that anyone would do that

What happened, according to Page Six, is that Labeouf was randomly slapping people on the butt and head while smoking during a showing of Cabaret in New York. When police approached him, he was "incoherent" and "very agitated" and attempted to walk away in disdain. Instead, he fell flat on his face. 
So far, all perfectly normal Shia Labeouf behaviour.
But then it got weird.
 
Police cuffed him (while he was still in the faceplant position, if they learned anything from their training) and took him to the cop shop, where he promptly lost his last remaining marble and went full-metal Reese Witherspoon on them. He demanded the cuffs be removed, repeatedly screaming "I'll f*ck you up!; I have millions and millions of dollars and attorneys!; I'm going to ruin your career!" For good measure, he started spitting and called one of the officers a "fag."
At this point, officers decided to put a face mask on him because apparently Shia finds that sort of thing very comforting.

The only thing that keeps this story from being PERFECT IN EVERY WAY is that there are no pictures of Shia looking like a douchebag in the NYPD-issued face mask, but I'm assuming he got to keep it and will be wearing it at the premiere of the next Hannibal Lecter film. Or just when he's out on a date with his mom

GRAINY INSTAGRAM PIC THAT COULD BE ANYBODY, REALLY, supposedly shows Shia being hauled into the cop shop last night but since I don't see any bats flying out of his mouth it probably isn't him at all.