Monday, 23 June 2014


jeremy meeks, #feloncrushfriday, whorrified, OPW,

I have an emotionally charged week ahead, in which a close family member will undergo heart surgery (not my editor, that moron doesn't have a heart — or testicles), one daughter and two sons-in-law will have birthdays AND I will be babysitting my beloved Piggly Wiggly. Who's been having some problems of her own. My point being that this is probably going to be a maudlin week full of tender, loving posts, so let's start off with something that is neither. 

I refer to the mugshot that went viral and stayed there: the Stockton Police photo of one dreamy, blue-eyed Jeremy Meeks. I don't know if you know any women, but I do and trust me, this dude is all they can talk about. 
A friend of mine had a birthday on Saturday (photo below), and while she is a very special person in her own right, as she herself will be only too happy to remind you, she was not top of every woman's mind. This guy was. I kid you not. The second the men left the room and went outside to argue about the World Cup and motorcycles and whatnot, one woman in the group of pretty much entirely married or spoken-for women leaned in and said, "Have you guys seen the mugshot of  that gorgeous blue-eyed criminal guy?" 
And pretty much everyone in the group immediately replied "Omigod, yes!" in breathless unison except for one of them, so I showed her my phone, which has Jeremy Meeks as a screensaver. Strictly for educational purposes.
"Hello sailor!" she gasped. "He can't possibly be guilty of anything. Free this man!"

Alas, nothing lasts forever, especially good stuff, so in honour of Monday being a crap day in every regard, I bring you the biggest bubble burst you'll ever experience in your life: turns out Jeremy Meeks isn't as hot as we were led to believe. 
Women, do NOT click on that first link. That one's strictly for the hard-working, law-abiding men out there who are really getting sick of hearing how hot this convicted felon is. And for Chris Brown, who can't understand why his mugshot didn't elicit the same sort of public meltdown. The rest of us need to cling to the dream. We have so very few of them.

Jeremy Meeks' mugshot proves sometimes you just take a really good picture. Elite Daily

American exchange student got stuck in a giant vagina sculpture in Germany; the jokes write themselves. Bro Bible 

Are Will Smith's kids TRYING to be hateful or does it just come naturally? US Weekly

Demi Moore's weird potato-head kids have learned that nipples get attention. TheSuperficial

Melanie Griffith had Antonio Banderas surgically removed from her body. Daily Mail

THIS IS PROBABLY  MY FAVOURITE PHOTO OF THE BIRTHDAY GIRL, displaying her instinctive reaction to any camera, cellphone or even just a curious glance from an onlooker. (Birthday Girl: Very funny. Where's my present?)