Monday, 21 July 2014


prince george, king of england, piggly wiggly, prince william, kate middleton,

Normally I don't give a flying feck about the Royals (except I notice I couldn't bring myself to spell out 'fuck,' so who am I kidding?), but this photo of wee Prince George taking his first steps actually made me say, "Aw-w-w-w-w!" Although I do seem to be frighteningly maudlin when presented with photos of baby anything these days, and I suspect Piggly Wiggly has everything to do with it.

But the real reason I'm referencing this royal non-event is because a thought occurred to me when I read about it, and I don't know how it never occurred to me before: it's entirely possible that my grandbaby could marry that boy some day. Even I could learn to tolerate Camilla and Chahles if it meant I'd get to summer at Windsor Castle. (Prince George: "Jeeves! Fetch my mother-in-law another brandy, will you? In a bucket.")

Think about it: they're a mere six months apart, Piggly is a citizen of the Commonwealth and is clearly going to grow up to be one of those exotic beauties that pasty white guys go gaga for. There's the little matter of an entire ocean and a phalanx of bodyguards being between them, but hey, it's the digital age. He just has to click on one picture of her and the rest will take care of itself. It's how all the new fairy tales end. And so, without further ado, let us begin the process of pimping Piggly out to the future King of England. Below is her first official profile photo on the dating website Please feel free to tweet it out to all of your followers. Especially the British ones. Oh, and the equine quarterlies. I hear all the royals are crazy about that shit.

piggly wiggly
This lovely young filly has doe eyes and good legs and is a sharp dresser. #PrinceGeorge #MakeAnOffer