Thursday, 10 July 2014

ROB FORD HAS A SOBRIETY COACH; I'M SURE IT'LL BE FINE

Rob Ford, Bob Marier, Pig Face, Toronto, sobriety coach,
MAYOR ROB FORD HAS ARMED HIMSELF WITH A SOBRIETY COACH 
Think of it as his gift to reporters, who had all but run out of things to futilely ask him to comment on. 
FLICKR/2011

If you had asked me last week what a sobriety coach is, I'd have told you I haven't a goddam clue but it sounds like something Rob Ford could use. But only if he had no say whatsoever in who that sobriety coach would be. Alas, our buttery magistrate has handpicked the newest cast member for the circus that is his inner circle and, like all of his choices, it's slowly but inexorably turning into a disaster. 

Little is known about Bob Marier, other than the fact that he is reportedly a recovering booze and cocaine addict who appears to think that his duties include assaulting the general public, dodging reporters and seeing to it that the emperor remains clothed. He's been on the job for mere weeks and has already been accused of kicking a protester at a news conference and earned a reputation for being "elusive" with the press. Which is exactly the sort of entertainment we have come to expect of anyone who orbits Planet Rob and its negative gravitational pull, but it's hardly "role model" behaviour.

Oh well, as long as he doesn't randomly burst into fluent patois or drunken stupours, I suppose any sobriety coach is better than no sobriety coach. Although, really, did anyone consider the emotional support dog option? I hear that works well for some people, and I happen to know a hound who smells just like bacon and could be available for a price. A very small price. In fact, what the hell, free. No? Okay, how about I PAY you to take her? 

EDITOR'S NOTE: Tsk! Such talk. If I were Pig Face I'd be running away from home right now.
MY NOTE: If you were Pig Face I'd have you neutered. Which I might just do anyway.

"I HEARD THAT, WOMAN. MAYBE I WANT A NEW OWNER!"