Friday, 11 July 2014

THANK GOD I DIDN'T BUY THE ONE THAT SAID 'KICK ME'

Bad, bad chain, pimp chain, marie sutherland, Jeremy Meeks,
I WORE THIS CHAIN TO WORK AND INTERESTING THINGS HAPPENED 
Meaning that people believed it.

I wore a cubic zirconia-encrusted, age-appropriate pimp chain to work yesterday because I am nothing if not the soul of propriety and good taste. And also because sometimes I just want to do something that will make me appear ridiculous to my co-workers. 

Anyway, wearing it turned out to be quite the social experiment, because apparently it is literally impossible for a male to walk past a woman wearing a big, heavy, fake silver chain with the word 'BAD' written on it in flashy letters and not say something. While I was waiting for the bus, while I was on the bus, while I was walking from the bus to work, while I was at work, while I was in the cafeteria, one man after another smiled or winked or flat-out told me they loved the chain. "You're bad, are ya?" several asked hopefully. Complete strangers, I might add. 

Women, on the other hand, thought it was hilarious. "What the fuck are you wearing, woman?" one of my co-workers asked (although you'd think that after seven years she'd be used to me by now).

But what I found even more interesting than the lame flirtations of strangers and the horror of dear friends was the way wearing a sign that says "Bad" makes you feel. It's sort of like constantly being told you're stupid: after awhile, you start to believe it. And worse, you start to live up to it. I started walking with a swagger. I scowled. I thought twice about holding doors open for people. A woman walked by on the sidewalk and I thought, "I could trip her." Because what kind of person wears a chain that says "Bad" and then acts like a goodie-goodie? That's just sick.

In fact, although it was fun for awhile, the sheer pressure of having people expect you to break out into naughty behaviour at any moment eventually became so exhausting I had to take the damn thing off. (What I need is a collection of chains that say things like "Respectable," "Friendly But Not Flirty" or "Bad But Only If You Look Like This Dude.") I'll wear it again when I can reasonably be expected to live up to it. Which, come to think of it ...*rummages in jewelry box* ... EDITOR? Where did you put my ... ack!!! Take that thing off! I'm going to need it later tonight!