Thursday, 7 August 2014

GOOD NEWS, EVERYONE: IRELAND BALDWIN IS STILL GAY

Ireland Baldwin, Angel Haze, Alec Baldwin, Hilaria Baldwin, Instagram, Page Six,
IRELAND BALDWIN'S NOBEL PEACE PRIZE-WINNING HOOTERS have successfully negotiated a truce on the fake fight she and her fake gay lover were having. 
IrelandBBaldwin/Instagram


I'm genuinely fake delighted to hear that fake gays Ireland Baldwin and rapper Angel Haze have patched things up after their fake lover's spat. For a moment there, it was beginning to look as if the fake pregnancy scare they're no doubt planning would never happen. 

According to Page Six, the pair sparked breakup rumours a few weeks ago when Ireland illiterately tweeted: "I guess I'll never quit be enough."
To which Angel slightly less illiterately retorted: "Would’ve done it all for you, stupid. i still would."
At which point Ireland wisely decided to reply in the language she speaks best: bikini selfie.
And even though she seems to have picked the ugliest Giant Tiger swimwear she could get her hands on, it worked, because hooters look good in anything Angel quickly replied: "I'm coming home now." 

I'm sure this public love-down is making for some very interesting get-togethers at the Baldwin homestead, where homophobia is second only to homicidal rages in cherished family traditions.
Ireland: Dad, can you pass the peas?
Alec Baldwin: No I can't BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO GAY!
Angel: *belches* Maybe you can ask your stepmom to pass them if she ever detangles from whatever the hell she's done to herself over there. Dayum, bitch!