|IRELAND BALDWIN'S NOBEL PEACE PRIZE-WINNING HOOTERS have successfully negotiated a truce on the fake fight she and her fake gay lover were having. |
I'm genuinely fake delighted to hear that fake gays Ireland Baldwin and rapper Angel Haze have patched things up after their fake lover's spat. For a moment there, it was beginning to look as if the fake pregnancy scare they're no doubt planning would never happen.
According to Page Six, the pair sparked breakup rumours a few weeks ago when Ireland illiterately tweeted: "I guess I'll never quit be enough."
To which Angel slightly less illiterately retorted: "Would’ve done it all for you, stupid. i still would."
At which point Ireland wisely decided to reply in the language she speaks best: bikini selfie.
And even though she seems to have picked the ugliest Giant Tiger swimwear she could get her hands on, it worked, because
I'm sure this public love-down is making for some very interesting get-togethers at the Baldwin homestead, where homophobia is second only to homicidal rages in cherished family traditions.
Ireland: Dad, can you pass the peas?
Alec Baldwin: No I can't BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO GAY!
Angel: *belches* Maybe you can ask your stepmom to pass them if she ever detangles from whatever the hell she's done to herself over there. Dayum, bitch!