Friday, 29 August 2014


lilia ratmanski, milana muzikante, norad, sunwing, varadero, editorspick,
Lilia Ratmanski and Milana Muzikante may smoke and drink and fight a little, but Jesus Christ, do you have to kick them off the plane? They're probably the most fun Sunwing has ever had.

Everyone is making a big hairy goddam deal about Lilia Ratmanksi and Milana Muzikante, the Ukrainian-Canadian party girls who got booted off a Sunwing flight to Cuba for no reason other than that they were drunk and disorderly and lit a cigarette in the bathroom they were both crammed into like probable bisexuals. 

"I’m shocked — she doesn’t drink.
She never smokes."  
Lilia's mom, who obviously has 
never seen Lilia's Facebook page.
I, on the other hand, having had the acute "pleasure" of flying with Sunwing on several wretched occasions, not only sympathize with these two outrageous sluts but also challenge ANYONE to try and get through that ordeal sober. You have to be three sheets to the wind just to survive the revolting sodden box of "lunch" they give you. (Me: What the fuck is this? Flight attendant: Pizza. Me: Ah, of courses. *retches* The lavatory, please? I need to lock myself into it with this East European lunatic so I can forget I ever saw it.)

Lilia's own mother swears her child's lips have never touched the drink, let alone the tobacco, so I don't know where the dozens of photos of Lilia's lips doing exactly that even come from, but it's probably some sort of Russian-backed Photoshop conspiracy. 

Nevertheless, the media is insistently painting these tramps as the bad guys, even NORAD piled on by sending fighter jets to escort the two back to the GTA instead of shunting them directly to Justin Bieber's house where they would have fit in like jerk on chicken. They both made court appearances today, one of them being let out on $2500 bail and the other held overnight "awaiting a signature from her surety" (translation: nobody in their right mind is gonna bail that bitch out). 

Well I just don't know what this world is coming to when a girl can't have a nice little cocktail and a puff of a fag while on vacation without the end result being a Brampton courthouse and/or jail. I live in Brampton and it is THE REASON I go on vacation! 

EDITOR'S NOTE: This seems like a very a propos time to mention that the mistress has booked an October vacation to St. Lucia. I plan to hide the booze and smokes in the checked luggage. It'll be safer, I reckon. 
MY NOTE: Yeah, that'll stop me. *swills Russian Standard directly from underpants* Moron. 

Update: Milana Muzikante, clearly the naughtier of these two young chits, finally found someone to bail her out just in time to hit the clubs. "It's Friday night, kurva! Woohoo!"