Monday, 18 August 2014

WAY TO OVERTHINK THE ICE BUCKET CHALLENGE, GUYS

HERE'S THE ARTIST FORMERLY KNOWN AS  GAGA
attempting to gain unfair advantage by scaring the living crap out of the ice. Cheating! 
Instagram/LadyGaga
I wasn't going to blog today because I'm on vacation and feeling a little, er, *kicks Jose Cuervo bottle out of view*  indisposed, but goddamit, this ALS Ice Bucket Challenge? It just keeps happening. Celebrities have decided it's their new favourite chew toy and they won't let go of the bloody thing, they're throwing themselves at it like naked pit bulls on the proverbial pantleg of opportunity (*wit not my own; that's pure essence of George Dubya). So today, for one last time, let's humour the mad bastards while simultaneously milking their idiocy for laughs. (Trust me, they'll never clue in unless you tell them. I do it to my moron editor all the time.)
And so without further ado, I present you with today's Ice Bucket Challenge Chumps and Champions: Three who fail epically and another two who pass with flying shrivelled colours.

FAIL: LADY GAGA That isn't ice water, that isn't a bucket and what the hell are you made of anyway, hermaphrodyte juice? Shudder.



FAIL: CHARLIE SHEEN I'm sure they love that stunt at the whorehouse but it's not really the gist of this challenge at all, is it Charlie my boy?



FAIL: OPRAH As usual, she has to talk everyone around her into a state of catatonia before getting to the point.



WIN! WIN! WIN! EMBLEM 3 Never heard of you. And also there are only two of you so that's a stupid name. But anyone who does the Ice Bucket Challenge in the NUDE instantly wins the blue ribbon, so, er, well where the hell would you like me to pin this damn thing? I can't even ... wow. Oh right. ICE water.