Monday, 18 August 2014

THE ALS ICE BUCKET CHALLENGE IS THE NEW BLACK

ALS Ice Bucket Challenge, justin bieber, rob ford, neymar,
THE #ALSIceBucketChallenge WAS GOING VERY WELL UNTIL JUSTIN BIEBER 
and his boy nipples and his lip fuzz took the challenge, thereby rendering it ridiculous. 


Welcome to Monday, where all you need to know is this: hashtag ALSIceBucketChallenge. Yes, the public awareness campaign that somehow grew magical testicles and seduced everyone into doing exactly as it commands is taking the Twitterverse by storm because it's ridiculous and titillating at the same time. It's basically just a big nonstop wet T-shirt contest you can ogle and feel good about it. 

For those of you who don't follow Twitter, #ALSIceBucketChallenge is this "thing" where celebrities people pour a bucket of ice water over themselves and then dare someone else to do the same. And if that sounds stupid to you that's because you don't understand how celebrity works. Meaning nipples.  

Everyone from Rob Ford to Justin Bieber to J'Lo has taken the icy plunge (ostensibly to benefit research into the grimly horrific disease, but let's be honest, Justin Bieber wouldn't know what ALS was if it put on a pair of stilettos and said, "$250 an hour and not a penny less; I got kids to feed") and fans are tweeting themselves in a masturbatory frenzy as they try to keep up with the plunges OMG Drake! OMG JLo! OMG Gaga! I mean my God, you're NOBODY if you haven't poured torrents of ice water over your privates and then tweeted about it. 

And I know it's for a good cause so it is with no small amount of self-loathing that I confess that I AM ALREADY A LITTLE SICK OF THIS BRILLIANTLY STUPID CAMPAIGN. Not because I don't want to raise funds for ALS but because I smell Kardashianesque famewhoring all over it and I can't unsmell it. I mean seriously. Can't I just GIVE you a hundred bucks and not have to look at pictures of Rob Ford's greasy wet pants sticking to him in all the wrong places. Please? PLEASE? PLEASE???

EDITOR'S NOTE: Although may I just say, and I may be gay biased, that this video of Neymar taking the ALSIceBucketChallenge is the cutest thing since bunnies!