Tuesday, 5 August 2014


heidi klum, zac posen, rihanna, beyonce, kanye, michele bachmann,
HERE'S SUPERMODEL HEIDI KLUM WEARING a lot more clothing than usual and yet still freaking Zac Posen right the hell out. "If I wanted fried eggs I'd have ordered fried eggs!" I'm pretty sure he said huffily.

Heidi Klum's hooters have never been a fan of clothing, but I'm happy to see they've finally found their purpose. Because although I can't say for sure what's going on here, I'm guessing Heidi is trying to cure gay fashion designer Zac Posen of his homosexuality in much the same way Michele Bachmann tries to cure gays of their homosexuality. Except that Michele Bachmann uses her words instead of her dirty pillows because, hello, bosoms are sinful. (Which is why Mary bottle-fed the baby Jesus. It's a known fact.) 
Anyway, Heidi Klum's boobs have never heard of the Bible so they're free to do the Lord's work in any way they see fit. Meaning nudity. Almost constant nudity. It won't do a goddam thing about Zac Posen's preference for flat hairy chests but by God, we're all enjoying her humanitarian efforts, amirite? Keep those gays coming! Speaking of which, has anyone tried to cure Zac Efron using the hooter method? Oh, right. How about Bruce Jenner? O-o-oh. Right. Well, never mind. Let's not tell Heidi she's wasting her time. And her ta-tas. 

In other celebrity gossip, we have fat Gaga, smiling Kanye, desperate Beyonce and a whole bunch of other words that don't usually appear together in the same sentence. To begin: 

Paparazzi used drones to film Rihanna's house? That's just wrong ... but let's gawk at it anyway. TMZ
Holy shit, Bruce Jenner, THAT IS YOUR BEST LOOK YET! PerezHilton

The 'Is Gaga Fat or Curvy?' debate rages on and yet I don't give a shit because you can't diet obnoxiousness off. Fishwrapper

Here's megalomaniac and colossal jackass Kanye West looking almost likable. It's a North West miracle. TooFab

Beyonce will use any weapon necessary in her rumour-deflating arsenal. TheSuperficial