|ROB FORD AND MIKE TYSON EMERGE FROM TUESDAY'S LOVE-IN |
looking for all the world as if they just spent 45 minutes snorting coke off each other's arse.
So a convicted rapist and a crack-smoking mayor walk into a room, spend 45 minutes together and come out smittenly fondling each other's metaphorical arses like teenagers who just lost their virginity. It does have the ring of a joke to it, doesn't it? Sadly, this little "joke" is reality in the city formerly known as Toronto, now known alternatively as Crazy Town, Ford Nation and The City God Denies Ever Having Had ANYTHING To Do With ("I believe that's Satan's work," He's been known to mutter).
Yes, Mike Tyson, the former heavyweight champ who was in town to perform his one-man show Undisputed Truth, spent the afternoon with Rob Ford and emerged to breathily endorse him as "the best mayor in Toronto's history" (Nettlesome heckler: Can you name even one other mayor in Toronto's history? Tyson's bouncers: Shut that bitch up! BITE HER EAR OFF IF YOU HAFTA!) while Rob glowed as pink as a honey ham and brayed "I've idolized Mike Tyson since I was a teenager . . . we are cut from the same cloth."
When pesky reporters asked Rob if Tyson's criminal record — which includes three years in prison for rape, admitted coke-snorting and allegations he abused ex-wife Robin Givens — gave him pause, he huffily retorted: "And you guys are perfect?"
So just to be clear, the criteria for being a Rob Ford supporter is "not perfect." Which explains why the list of past Ford campaign supporters reads like a Who's Who of rejects, including disgraced sprinter Ben Johnson, faded 90's rapper Snow and the only Trailer Park Boys actor you don't know: Sam Tarasco.
I look forward to many more weeks of glorious campaign hijinks, which will in all likelihood include rousing RoFo endorsements by the likes of Chris Brown, George Zimmerman, Ray Rice and maybe even that "rapper" who chopped Dan Foley's head off. That guy is DEFINITELY not perfect, in fact he's so not perfect he might even have a shot at becoming our next mayor.
Nettlesome heckler: Ford more years!
Beheading rapper: *CHOP* Allahu akbar!!!!
EDITOR'S NOTE: Ooooh it gets better. Mike "I Forgot My Meds" Tyson was on Toronto's CP24 today and lost his tiny mind when the interviewer mentioned his rape conviction. LOST HIS TINY DAMN MIND! Watch here.