Thursday, 11 September 2014

CHRIS BROWN THREW ANOTHER NEAR-FATAL CLUB PARTY

chris brown, rihanna, suge knight, meatpacking district,
REMEMBER THAT TIME CHRIS BROWN TWEETED A PIC OF HIMSELF AND HIS CREW 
dressed up as Taliban terrorists? Jokes! Mind you, that was back in the Rihanna-beating days, except guess what? He hasn't progressed much. 
Twitter

In keeping with today's theme of being nice (which I've already scrapped because it just didn't feel right), we have the mere presence of Chris Brown spawning yet another deadly melee. Just weeks ago, Brown hosted a party at an LA nightclub and everyone partied so hard they wound up damn near killing rap mogul Suge Knight. Then last night he was at it again, this time hosting a Fashion Week party at an NYC club, where he got his entourage bombed to the teats on VIP bottle-service hooch. Page Six reports that, within no time, the bottles started flying and a full-blown bar brawl broke out, with several people injured and one person practically losing an eye. ("Hey, did anyone remember that today is the 13th anniversary of 9-11?" nobody said, right before taking a bottle of Moet to the face.)

The moral of the story? Well, there are several, the first being that I can't even remember why Chris Brown has a career. I don't know ... tattooes, maybe? Something about singing? Whatever it is, he needs to go back to doing that. The second being that if you should ever happen to find yourself in the same room as Chris Brown, you should immediately exit that room because the story might end with you being dead. And the third being that I suck at being nice. I'm sorry. I probably should hand in my resignation as the personal blogger of Jesus.

EDITOR'S NOTE: ACCEPTED!

MY NOTE: Fuck off. It's not over till Jesus himself tells me it's over.
JESUS'S NOTE: *motions furiously to editor* Pssst! Tell her I said it's over. I'd do it myself but I'm ... busy.