|NO, THIS ISN'T A WEDDING PHOTO; JESUS, DO YOU THINK I'M MADE OF MONEY? |
I can't afford paparazzi shots! However, I can link to them for free right here ... heheheh. I frickin LOVE the Interwebs!
George Clooney is officially married! The legendary ladies' man consciously unbachelored Saturday amid a throng of celebrity pals in romantic-albeit-stinky Venice. And although I was never a member of the Swoony Clooney club I will say this: he has risen many notches in my estimation with this development. Because while "the other" gossip websites *makes retching sounds* are pitching his nuptials as bad news for single ladies, I see it as exactly the opposite. I see it as the closest thing to hope single ladies have had since penicillin.
Clooney's choice of a beautiful, brilliant, cultured scholar as opposed to one of the fake-titted twerking famewhores so many idiot celebrities opt for these days (oh don't give me that look, Kanye, I'm not necessarily referring to you and your porn star bride; maybe I'm referring to Wiz Khalifa and his stripper bride. Whom you also used to date. Okay fine; I was referring to you) is the closest thing to hope decent women have had since 52-year-old billionaire Ted Turner married 53-year-old Jane Fonda instead of opting for some teenaged bimbo. Which was quite some time ago, so holy crap. No wonder you were starting to give up hope.
Anyway, I wish George and Amal every happiness, even though I was not invited to their wedding, and I wish all of you single ladies every happiness as well. Woohoo, George Clooney, who proves there are still plenty of good ones out there! *consults Rolodex, frowns* Shit.