Wednesday, 17 September 2014

MIND IF I SLIP INTO SOMETHING MORE COMFORTABLE?

adidas, new balance minimus, adidas pure, asics, whorrified, marie sutherland, bermuda,
In my ongoing quest to maim every single body part that gravity hasn't already taken care of, I have purchased a new pair of workout shoes. 

Which wouldn't ordinarily be news but it did give me an excellent excuse to preen in front of a mirror for an entire afternoon. And also, as you may recall, the last pair I bought damn near killed me. (I don't know about you, but I find that working out is second only to travel to exotic locales in terms of its ability to land me in a wheelchair.)

Like my taste in men, my taste in shoes tends strongly toward the most painfully inappropriate ones available. My mother loves to remind me of the time I bought a pair of ultra-sexy gladiator sandals made of rope and murder. They bit into my skin like piranhas, they ripped my flesh open and yet, and yet ... I continued to wear them until I went septic and wound up in the emergency ward. *sigh* God, they were hot!

Anyway, my last pair of trainers, New Balance Minimus, bewitched me with their feather-lightness, their knockout colours, their aura of athletic chic. They looked great, they felt great, they cost a fortune and they were the worst shoes someone who loves high-impact aerobics could possibly choose. 

After limping through an entire month of a crippling, steadily worsening knee injury, I finally clued in: it was the shoes. I retired them from active duty and went hunting for a more suitable pair. Which would be pretty much anything.

I won't bore you with the details of the agonizing weeks of shoe-searching that followed, other than to tell you that the staff at Foot Locker hide behind the counter when they see me coming now ("Tell her I have Ebola!") and to say that the end result was a pair of black and silver Adidas Adipure. Which I can't recommmend highly enough, as they fit the trifecta of my exacting criteria: ultra-light, super-cute, totally cushiony and above all: cheap. And yes, I do realize that a trifecta is three things, but I think my knee and I have earned a little slack here, you frickin fact-Nazis, you. I've worn them to the gym four days a week for two weeks straight and I am still ambulatory and pretty much pain-free, so guess what? The universe is just going to have to find some other way to maim me.

EDITOR'S NOTE: Whoaaa, mistress! Is that wise? You've got a trip to St. Lucia coming up ...