Paulina Gretzky is pregnant! The 25-year-old announced the news by taking out an ad in a newspaper and ... haha, I can't even finish that sentence because AS IF! She blabbed it on Instagram, along with a lovely photo that showcases her adorable little baby bump yet tastefully refrains from exposing her famous hooters. And for those of you who are whining "But what about the tittie shots?" well, sorry. The Paulina Gretzky you know and love as a party girl and generous purveyor of cleavage tweets is going to be a mother now, so ew. Those aren't boobs anymore, they're food. Besides, let's not forget the only reason this is news at all, that being Wayne Gretzky. The hockey legend is going to be a grandpa (I bet he’ll be a great one), which seems impossible because wasn't it just yesterday I was sitting in my living room eating Pringles and watching him be 19 years old and amazing? Jesus Christ. I feel as cheated as Paulina's boob fans.
EDITOR'S NOTE: Not that I ever clicked on every single one of Paulina's knocker tweets, but I will offer these words of encouragement: pregnancy does some very interesting things to the cleavage.
MY NOTE: And all this time I thought you were gay.