Monday, 15 September 2014


daniele watts, brian james lucas, chef belive, Cheffy BeLive, django unchained, LAPD,
after busting her for being vigourously affectionate in public. 

Django Unchained actress Daniele Watts is making a huge stinking fuss about the fact that she was mistaken for a hooker and arrested for kissing her boyfriend, who is white, in public yesterday. And for a good solid six or seven hours I was totally on board with her, because how hard is it to believe that the same people who think it's okay to murder black kids might be racist as fuck?

Unfortunately, as this story evolves, Watts is starting to emerge as a less sympathetic figure and besides, if we're being honest, I've just seen a picture of her boyfriend and the man scares the crap out of me. According to the police video obtained by TMZ, witnesses said Watts and her boyfriend were having full-on sex in the car, with the door open, in full view of passersby. "The eyewitnesses said the guy was sitting in the seat, she was straddling him and it was for everyone to see. One eyewitness told cops they cleaned themselves up afterward with a tissue." 

Watts, however, claims she was just showing her boyfriend, celebrity chef Brian Lucas, some affection and that people assumed she was a prostitute because she's black and the object of her "affection" is white. What's missing here, thank God, is a videotape of what actually went on in that car, because if we've learned anything from Solange and Ray Rice it's that those goddam things are everywhere. 

However, since there isn't one, all I can do is offer Daniele Watts, and indeed all women, the sage life advice I wish someone had shared with me years ago, because it would have saved me a lot of prison time: When trying not to be mistaken for a prostitute, it is helpful not have sex in public with men who look like meth addicts. Or to further humiliate yourself afterwards by pulling the "Do you know who I am?" card, because that almost never ends well.

EDITOR'S NOTE: Lessons in morality, coming from you? That's rich.
MY NOTE: Yes well I don't pay you to give me your opinion, you moron. NOW SHUT UP AND KEEP MASSAGING MY BUTTOCKS!