Monday, 1 September 2014


belfie, selfie, birthday, terrace on the green,
but when the opportunity for a good belfie presents itself, you don't say no. At least I don't. Here, I raise the bar with the introduction of tasteful props: in this case, whisky barrels on the grounds of Terrace on the Green.

It was my mom's birthday on Saturday. Again. We celebrated it twice this year because she recently underwent surgery and wasn't feeling up to the sort of hard-core tippling and whooping one expects of a birthday party on the actual day of. I was pretty stoked about Saturday's get-together. I had handpicked the venue Terrace on the Green for its lovely landscaping and atmosphere, rallied the guests, baked my signature bourbon-pecan carrot cake, bullied the owners into hosting us a half-hour earlier than their usual opening hour as some of the members of my family are almost monk-like in their adherence to routine. 

Which was very nice of the owners, although I'm sure they're wondering why I bothered because although everyone else was there at the appointed hour, I arrived more than half an hour late and cakeless because I'd been rear-ended by a goddam moron texting driver while en route. No one was injured except the carrot cake. If the detailer ever gets the patina of cream cheese off of the ceiling and the odour of bourbon out of the upholstery, it'll be a miracle. 

But other than that, it was a lovely evening of good food and banter, capped off by what is becoming a cherished family tradition: a rousing round of bathroom selfies. "Belfies!" my eldest daughter (she who has strictly prohibited the publication of her face, name or distinguishing features because she can't even get past the name of this blog, let alone the content) proclaimed them. I told her "belfies" is actually the new trend word for butt-selfies. (It's pretty bad when Kim Kardashian has the power to change the lexicon.) Her response? "It disturbs me that you would know this." Yeah well I not only know it, I perfected it. Because any eejit can take a #belfie but it takes a pro to shamelessly famewhore it into passing as a birthday gift. So, belated happy birthday again, Mom, this one's for you. We're disappointed you had the decency not to join us for the bathroom fun, but there's always next year!

belfie, selfie, birthday, terrace on the green, piggly wiggly's mom,
PIGGLY WIGGLY'S MOM AND I SNUGGLE UP FOR A BATHROOM SELFIE at Terrace on the Green. And if you're wondering why there isn't a photo of my sainted mother in this post about my sainted mother, that's because she, like my eldest daughter, my aunt, my brother and most of my friends, refuses to be associated with Whorrified in any way, shape or form.