Thursday, 25 September 2014

YOUR DAILY DOSE OF OTHER PEOPLE'S WHORRORS, VOL. 16

PIGGLY WIGGLY KICKS BACK AND RELAXES WHILE ENJOYING A MIDNIGHT SNACK. Via eyedropper. 

I usually reserve "Other People's Whorrors" for celebrities and other galloping disasters, but this week I've been absurdly busy running back and forth between hospitals with loved ones (everyone’s fine, but feel free to send me a comforting gift anyway) so basically I’m the Florence Nightingale of the new millennium. Except that I drink and wear slutty clothing. But other than that, yeah. Pretty much a martyr. 

PIGGLY AND HER MOM, 
who has no business looking 
this flat-out gorgeous after 
a night of zero sleep. WTF? 
That's just showing off!


On the plus side, I did get to spend a lot of time with loved ones, including that plump little bundle of beauty up there, whom some of you may recognize as Piggly Wiggly. Piggly is now eight months old and still resisting eating with a ferocity usually reserved for hard-core anorexics. We're trying to get to the root of what's going on there, but I have faith because I happen to know her mother (my daughter) quite well and if anyone can handle a heart-rending challenge with grace and serenity, it's that young lady. 

Because although the more observant of you will notice that Piggly has finally been freed of the feeding tube, she still won't take the bottle and her cup skills are basically at what I'd call Drunken Tavern Patron level. Which means either she doesn't get enough liquids or she gets them hand-fed to her by eyedropper. One millilitre at a time. You can imagine how long that takes, and if you can't, I'll tell you: hours. And hours. And hours. Every day. And in the middle of the night. And yet it is all done with such love and tenderness, such good-natured affection, I sometimes look at my daughter and think: "How the fuck did you come out of me?" In fact, I may well have to hand my martyr shirt over to her. Goddamit. And I'd just paid a fortune to have it altered to expose my nipples. LIFE SUCKS! 
In other news, let's see what the celebritits are up to these days. Starting with Jessica Simpson's batshit-crazy husband, whatever his name is:

Memo to self: NEVER LET JESSICA SIMPSON'S HUSBAND BABYSIT PIGGLY! TMZ

Lenny Kravitz and Lisa Bonet's daughter proves sometimes celebrities' kids win the gene lottery. And sometimes they look like Rumer Willis. TOOFAB

And speaking of Rumer Willis ... wait, what? Is there such a thing as an entire head transplant? I'm going to say 'yes.' FISHWRAPPER

That whole boring 'Emma Watson nude photo threat' was a boring marketing hoax. TheSUPERFICIAL

Phil Spector's prison photos are adorbs. Haha, psyche! THESTAR.COM