|AMANDA BYNES WALKS THE STREETS OF NEW YORK YESTERDAY|
wearing a huge "engagement" ring. Which she probably shoplifted.
Amanda Bynes is running around loose in NYC again and yet somehow nobody has been murdered by a flying bong or slapped in the vagina. It defies all logic, although there was a close call yesterday when staff at Barneys high-end clothing store called police to say she had stolen a $200 hat. (And if I may digress for a moment: $200 hats are exactly what is wrong with our society. I don't care if it is knitted from Kanye's hand-selected pubes, no hat warrants that kind of goddam pricetag.)
Amanda insisted she merely grabbed the hat to hide her face from paparazzi who were stalking her, a bold-faced lie that was almost believable until TMZ leaked the news that she'd been caught shoplifting a shirt from another store just one hour earlier. Jesus Christ, I can't even get on a bus wearing sassy jewelry without being chastised, and this broad gets to go on a meth-fuelled shoplifting binge with impunity? Do the mental health authorities not recognize crazy when they see it? Hello? Am I talking to myself? What the ... *struggles futilely as net drops over perfectly coiffed head* ... not ME, you morons! Amanda Bynes!