Wednesday, 15 October 2014

GLUTEN-FREE BABY BANDIT STEALS WITCH'S DARK HEART

piggly wiggly, thanksgiving,
So it's over. The Canadian readers among you (because if Blogger's stats are to be believed, there are a goodly number of bots who log on from Turkey, Dubai and Israel as well: "Shalom! Click on a few ads, will ya?") will immediately understand that I am referring to Thanksgiving. 

There's not much I can say about Thanksgiving that hasn't already been clubbed within an inch of its life by everybody on Facebook, but I will say this: I had a very special houseguest for the Thanksgiving weekend and it was the best weekend ever. 

I got about 14 minutes of sleep, I had to de-gluten my entire kitchen and I got thrown up on six times, but when she left, she took the air with her. Seriously. Holy crap. I can hardly breathe now. If this kid's tiny little grip on my heart gets any tighter I might as well just have it removed and give it to her as a chew toy. 

EDITOR'S NOTE: But how does one remove something that doesn't exist? *dodges flying magnum of gin* Kidding! In other news, the mistress's special-needs Thanksgiving dinner turned out to be amazing and she raked in no less than four bottles of gift wine! We're down to one bottle now and if you don't hear from me by tomorrow, it's because she killed me and ate me. I don't expect you to care, I just want you to know. #Thankful #CouldHaveBeenFiveBottles

'YOU CALL THIS THANKSGIVING DINNER? A GADDAM PICKLE?'  
Yeah, well, gluten-free, dairy-free, pork-free ... those were your mother's orders, kid. IT DIDN'T LEAVE ME MANY OPTIONS!