|THE GOOD NEWS: Beyonce does not have Ebola.|
THE BAD NEWS: Mother of God what happened to Beyonce's bangs?
Because Whorrified is your go-to source for hard-hitting journalism, we're going to skip the drivel about beheadings and protests and Ebola now officially being the scariest thing ever and proceed directly to the most important news of the day: Beyonce fucked up her hair. Which you might already know because Twitter is having a brain hemorrhage over it.
This and many, many other pictures of Beyonce and her mangled bangs are pretty much all the Internet can think about today. Which is understandable because they are shocking. This look is reminiscent of the kind of hack job we girls used to accidentally give ourselves as teenagers, when we'd say: "Bangs? How hard can that be?" and then we'd have to skip school for two weeks because we looked like we'd just escaped from the nuthouse.
However, if I may inject a dose of calm-the-fuck down into this: Everybody's acting like this is some kind of permanent disaster Beyonce has meted unto herself, but please — it's a weave. She cut her weave. She can get a new weave woven in first thing tomorrow morning (or preferably sooner). It's not the first time someone left her alone with the weave cutters and I'm sure it won't be the last.
EDITOR'S NOTE: Jesus Christ, Beyonce! If ever you needed your PR minions to edit the Internet, it is now.
In other celebritwat news:
And now, Chris Brown will explain the Ebola crisis. PageSix
Holy tofuballs, Jennifer Lopez! If THIS is what being a vegan does to your body I AM IN! Huffington Post
Amanda Bynes got committed to the loony bin again. This is obviously a conspiracy organized by cats that speak Urdu. TMZ