Wednesday, 27 May 2015

BEYONCE TWERKS IN HER UNDIES IN SURPRISE VIDEO

beyonce, 7/11, beyonce surprise video, kim kardashian, rihanna,
Beyonce in a scene from 7/11

Good morning and good Monday, loyal readers and those of you who were Googling "Beyonce in her underwear" and wound up here by accident. (Welcome! Try the veal.) We'll start our week off with Beyonce twerking half-naked in her hotel room because why wouldn't we? It's November in Brampton, two of the biggest mistakes in God's history, so if you've got something better by all means offer it up. Because all I've got is this and idiot Floridians showering Bill Cosby with adulation at his comedy show for no reason other than he didn't try to rape them. "Allegedly." 

Once again, the queen took us by surprise with this one, dropping it unannounced on Saturday and then sitting back and watching the Internet break out in hives just like someone else did on her wedding day. (NOT MY FAULT!) Despite the torrent of hater comments this confection has unleashed, it is a curiously adorable body of work, one that aspires to ooze naughty girl-party spontaneity but is in fact oddly sexless, wholesome and scripted within an inch of its life. And yet it's still infectious because whatever it is Beyonce has, it is the boss of you. 

So now, without further ado, I present Beyonce's surprise video drop, 7/11. Please pay special attention to every segment, not just the underpants ones, as there will be a thorough analysis, below, immediately afterwards. (No one will tell me my blog is not educational!)




EVERY BEYONCE VIDEO HAS A MOMENT OF 'HOW THE FUCK DOES SHE DO THAT?' 
7/11 does not disappoint.


EVERY BEYONCE VIDEO HAS A MOMENT OF SHAMELESS CHEESE. 
7/11 does not disappoint.


EVERY BEYONCE VIDEO HAS A MOMENT IN WHICH SHE ATTEMPTS to remind Kim Kardashian who is queen. 7/11 does not disappoint. (Okay, maybe a little ...)



EVERY BEYONCE VIDEO HAS A MOMENT IN WHICH SHE ATTEMPTS to remind Rihanna who is queen. (Alas, this would require more nudity, more tattoos, cigars and a nipple ring.)



EVERY BEYONCE VIDEO (LATELY) HAS A MOMENT IN WHICH SHE ATTEMPTS to remind ALL OF US who is queen. *gags* I think we're done here.