Wednesday, 26 November 2014

JIAN GHOMESHI IS OUT ON BAIL AND LIVING WITH MOM

jian ghomeshi, big ears teddy, lucy decoutere, toronto,
Photo illustration from the Twitter parody account @JianGhotmesi

Jian Ghomeshi hit a particularly painful rung on his fall from grace today. The former CBC radio darling has been charged with four counts of sexual assault and one count of overcome resistance, choking. Which sounds like a charge they made up just for him but I think it'll stick. The 47-year-old and his paid sharks were in court this afternoon, where he announced his intention to plead not guilty and was released on $100,000 bail. (I have been unable to confirm fake reports that he asked if he could keep the handcuffs.) I've been Twittering the bejeebers out of #JianGhomeshi all day and still haven't found answers to my two most pressing questions: Where the hell has he been hiding all this time and where is Big Ears Teddy? I'm tellin ya, that thing had to have had a camera in his belly. He's an accomplush! Now if you'll excuse me, I must get back to my real job: Googling pictures of celebrity butts. Don't judge. I'm not the one who made "Kim Kardashian, oiled arse" the biggest search term of the year. (Never change, Internet.)