Sunday, 28 August 2016

I'D FORGOTTEN HOW MUCH FUN IT IS TO PARTY MY ASS OFF

club abstract, marie sutherland, kitchener clubs, piggly wiggly,
ME (LEFT) AND MY GIRLS MOMENTS BEFORE HITTING THE TOWN 
You would not believe how many attempts it took to get this very average shot of us. Police believe alcohol was a factor.

I went out with my girlfriends Friday night. This qualifies as a huge friggin deal because although there was a time in the not-too-distant past when I was a certifiable party girl who went out every Thursday, Friday, Saturday and sometimes Sunday night (and occasionally Wednesday, but I'd feel sheepish about it), I have somehow become a workaholic homebody who considers a Friday night cuddling Piggly Wiggly the most fun you can have with your clothes on. 

MARIE ATTEMPTS TO TAKE A PHOTO 
Liz: "Omigod. It's blurry as fuck!"

My slightly younger girlfriends, who have not yet experienced the indescribable ecstasy of grandchildren, are fairly tolerant of this madness. But sometimes they put their foot down and say "Listen, woman, put that goddam baby down, we are going OUT tonight!" Last Friday was one of those times. 

LIZ ATTEMPTS TO TAKE A PHOTO  
Marie: "Omigod. It's blurry as fuck!"

One of my dearest friends was in dire need of a night out and none of my usual excuses were getting any traction. 
"I'm tired. I'm broke. I hate bars. Boys piss me off. It's my brother's birthday on Saturday; I can't stay out late." 
My friend had an answer for every one of them. "You're always tired. You're not broke, you're cheap. Everybody hates bars. Ignore the boys, they'll only try harder. Your brother's birthday? Woman!!!"
The naked truth is that I really just wanted to spend my day off with my baby. (Yeah I know: "She's not your baby." Piss off; she totally is. If you could see the way that kid looks at me. "Are you my mother?" Yes, dear, of course I am!)

MARG ATTEMPTS TO TAKE A PHOTO  
Liz and Marie: Omigod. You cut our heads off!

Anyway, the punchline is that once my friends physically detached me from Piggly Wiggly, I actually had a helluva good time. I'd forgotten how amazing it is to submerge oneself in delicious repartee, delicious food (my friend is kind of an amazing cook) and crazy-good wine, followed by a night on the town. The best part? The photos we recorded for posterity. It took us about a bazillion tries to get one that was even close to average honestly, we must have spent half an hour in Liz's foyer trying to get something presentable and we hadn't even gotten into the hard-core boozing yet!
As for the rest of the festivities, I won't bore you with the details other than to say "Club Abstract: Avoid," but I will tell you this: I can't wait till our next night out. 

EDITOR'S NOTE: Broad hint clumsily delivered, please confirm receipt of same. 
LIZ'S NOTE: Let me check my schedule.
PIGGLY WIGGLY'S NOTE: NOOOOOOOO!

"AND ALL THAT TIME, YOU COULD HAVE BEEN HOME CUDDLING ME." 
Marie: Aaaaaaaaarrrrrgh!

RELATED READ: I'M PRETTY SURE LITTLE PIGGLY THINKS I'M HER MOTHER