Monday, 10 November 2014

MILEY CYRUS TOOK HER PET PIG TO THE BEAUTY SALON

miley cyrus, bubba sue, pet pig, pig pedicure,
MILEY CYRUS CAUSED AN UPROAR BY POSTING PHOTOS  
of a sow getting a pedicure with the caption: "Pig pig gonna be lookin fresh." 
Instagram/MileyCyrus

In case there weren't already enough signs that the Internet has a collective IQ of "cretin," Miley Cyrus practically gave it brain hemorrhoids this weekend by posting a photo of her pet pig, Bubba Sue, getting a pedi on Instagram. Let's ignore for a moment the unsurprising fact that Miley has a pig for a pet and move on to the much more intriguing fact that people somehow think the creature is being mistreated.

Angry animal activists immediately went full paint-thrower, attacking Miley for exposing the pig to "harmful chemicals" and for enabling "animal abuse." And it's not like I'm ever going to be mistaken for a hillbilly sympathizer but I mean really: has it not occurred to these zealots that if Bubba Sue had not been adopted by Miley she'd be sizzling delectably beside a mound of scrambled eggs right now? There are worse things in the world than being nice to one's pets, so get a goddam grip on yourself. 

In fact there's only one creature in this scenario I do feel sorry for and that is the beautician. Because can you imagine his dilemma? "Please, Miz Cyrus, could you keep your hands offa her because I seriously can't tell where you end and the pig begins!" 

TWO THINGS: 1) For a guy who does manis for a living his nails are a mess and 2) Sloppiest. Paint job. Ever.
Instagram/MileyCyrus