Tuesday, 16 December 2014

KIM KARDASHIAN CROPS HER OWN KID OUT OF SELFIES

Kim Kardashian, North West, Kate Upton, Bill Cosby, Camille Cosby,
MOTHER-OF-THE-YEAR KIM KARDASHIAN CROPPED HER BABY OUT
but left the brick wall in because at least the  wall isn't trying to steal the attention. (She's on to your little tricks, missy.)
KIMTwitter@KimKardashianWest

I'm not above admitting that we sometimes pile on in the gossip business, but in my own defence God made me bitchy. Who am I to argue with my employer? Furthermore, if he didn't want me to mock the everloving crap out of Kim Kardashian he wouldn't have commanded her to inject her own arse with butterballs and marry a Gemini mask-wearing madman, would he? I'm basically following divine orders, is what I'm saying.
 
It's been quite a year for Kim, and with just days to go until it's over she is squeezing every last bit of stupid juice out of her butt fruit. You don't climb to the top of Google's search engine without being ruthless, you guys. And by ruthless I mean cropping your own goddam kid out of your selfie because you don't want anything to attract attention away from your artificially inseminated face. Which of course Kim not only did but also defended, tweeting these exact words which I'm pretty sure someone wrote for her because last time I checked, Kim was a Kardashian: 
"Wait is this really news that I posted a selfie & cropped my daughter out? LOL … Her eyes were closed and I was feeling my look! Can I live?!?!"
Can I "live?!?!"? Well I don't know, Kim. I'm not God. Luckily for you ...
In other eminently mockable celebritwat news:

Bill Cosby's wife says he's "the real victim." Of course she'd have to be insane to still be married to him. TheSuperficial

If Michael Jackson's nose ever needs a stunt double, Britney Spears' new nose is available. TooFab

It's not Christmas until you've hung the festive Wreath Witherspoon. PopSugar

Kate Upton serenades Jamie Foxx "a la Marilyn Monroe" with the obvious difference being that she's no Marilyn Monroe. PageSix