You can relax, everybody. Prince Andrew didn't pay for sex with a minor because his ex-wife, Fergie, herself a paragon of propriety just like the rest of the inbred royal family, says so. In a valiant yet ridiculous attempt to put a lid on this seething can of sex worms, Fergie told reporters that Andrew is "the best man in the world, the greatest man there is," a comment that must come as a surprise to the Pope, Bill Gates and Kim Jong-Un (he made me include him).
For those of you who don't keep up on what the privileged
And despite the fact that Fergie and Buckingham Palace are doing what every mother whose louse son gets hit with rape charges does, it's not looking too good for Andrew. Aside from the fact that he willfully chums around with convicted pedophiles, he also hails from a long line of proven cheats, liars and abusers — I'm referring to "men," but if you substituted "royalty" that fits too — so basically I believed this story from the moment Virginia Roberts said "boo."
Not surprisingly, Bill Clinton's name is now also being dragged into this mess, with court documents showing that Epstein had 21 phone numbers for Slick Willy on speed dial. I'm just waiting for someone to say Bill Cosby was a frequent guest on the private Caribbean island and then this story will put a bow on its own head and say: "I think we're done here."