|SO YOU'RE TELLING ME THE LAST THING I'LL SEE AFTER RUNNING UP |
Philadelphia's Museum of Art stairs and before croaking is Sylvester Stallone's 68-year-old face? Well, I'm sorry. That isn't nearly enough motivation.
So these tourists were farting around in Philadelphia, which is not the kind of place I'd want to visit at any time of the year let alone January. (City of Brotherly Love, me arse. I saw Philadelphia; TOM HANKS DIES!) So far, this just sounds like the leadup to a punchline, right? Which is exactly what it is because after seeing the sights and then running up the fabled "Rocky" steps, guess what happens? The tourists hear a voice slurring: "You guys got up here fast, you're makin' me look bad." And it's goddam Sylvester Stallone.
I mean he was up there in preparation for, what is it now, the hundredieth Rocky instalment (titled Creed) but these schmoes didn't know that. They could have had a freakin heart attack, for God's sake. They've been eating Philly cheesesteaks for days, their blood has basically turned to Velveeta ... and look at their faces: these guys are plotzing, and they're not even Jewish! But the good news is A) they didn't have a heart attack and B) they got the world's most epic selfie because of course nobody even goes to the friggin bathroom anymore without bringing their iPhone along. How come this kinda stuff never happens to me when I'M on vacation? Cuz you know what kinda stuff happens to me when I'M on vacation? THIS KINDA STUFF.