Wednesday, 11 February 2015

WILL YOU BE MY VALENTINE, PIGGLY WIGGLY?


Aloha! Yep, still on vacation, back from my too-short sojourn with Piggly and now enjoying some quality time with my mother. Funny how as you age (don't worry, Mom, I won't tell them the exact number *rhymes with 'speventy-ish'*) one appreciates the joys of family more and the hedonistic trips to the tropics less. Because as far as I know and pray, Barbados is never going to grow up. My grandchildren, on the other hand, will only be young once. (Unless they, too, discover whatever the hell it is that Christie Brinkley is sprinkling on her kale, because good lord, woman. That is not what 60 looks like in human years!) 

This past year, the first of Piggly Wiggly's life, has held many joys and tears and challenges but most of all, it has performed a miracle: It has taken a heart that was two sizes too small and made it burst with adoration. The child has positively transformed me. I hardly recognize myself (although that stunning creature in the mirror does look vaguely familiar). 

Because whereas up until now I had always viewed Valentine's Day as a wretched, steaming, bilious pile of hooey I've never really been the same since Johnny Depp rejected me, although I did manage to put an "ugly" pox on him in retribution this year I find myself buying sappy "Be Mine" cards and little red onesies covered with hearts and wondering if maybe her mom might let her eat some of these Lindt Valentine chocolates filled with hazelnut creme? If not, no worries, I'll just eat them myself. Matter of fact, I'm halfway through them already. She's probably going to say "No" anyway ... *glances at empty box, shrieks* The hell? How did that happen? EDITOR!!!!!

EDITOR'S NOTE You bellowed, madame?
MY NOTE Get this empty box out of my sight before I club you senseless with it! And then buy another one! 
EDITOR'S NOTE Another one? Are you sure that's a good idea?
MY NOTE *clubs editor senseless, discovers it didn't take much clubbing* There. I feel better now. Oh look! *plucks chockie out of moron editor's receding hairline* There was one left in the box after all!

And in case there are still a few of you who think Valentine's Day is romantic, have a look at this. I'm not making this stuff up.