Saturday, 10 October 2015

VIN DIESEL LOOKS NOTHING LIKE VIN DIESEL ANYMORE

SOMEONE PUT A FAT-WAH ON VIN DIESEL, APPARENTLY
I've spared you the full eyeball assault by providing a mere sliver of the original crop of this photo. For the full version (and many more), via the Daily Mail, click here. 

I'm not sure what happened to Vin Diesel, but if someone put a loaded Krispy Kreme to my head and forced me to guess, I'd say he's been doing lines of butter. Either that or he has a fat, chainsmoking, hairy-backed uncle who gets his jollies by posing on Miami hotel balconies and scaring the shit out of the paparazzi. "Hey, look, it's Vin Dies .. JESUS CHRIST!" (A third possibility did occur to me but was swiftly ruled out on account of its absurdity. As if anyone would sculpt a lifesized likeness of someone using nothing but lard and pig bristles. It's already been done!) In fact, I'm sure the dozens of misspelled, grammatically manslaughtered comments I'm reading on the Interwebs, where the smart people live, are right: "He's training for a role." Well I had no idea they were doing a remake of Bad Santa, but way to go, Vin Diesel. You nailed it!

EDITOR'S NOTE For the love of fatback, mistress, it's Thanksgiving! We shouldn't have to look at things that remind us, in painful 3D, of what happens when one eats too much stuffing and pie. That's just cruel. What we need is an eyeball cleanse. Something that will make us feel happy and wholesome and  thankful to be alive.

MY NOTE Unfortunately, this is Whorrified.ca; there is no such shit to be had here. If you really want something to be thankful for, be thankful I didn't inflict a picture of Coco doing the flying assclap of death on you. (Do NOT click here. You'll never eat ham again.)