Monday, 16 November 2015

CHARLIE SHEEN IS HIV POSITIVE? WHO SAW THAT COMING?

Not one to sit by and watch Lamar Odom snatch all the good manwhore headlines, Charlie Sheen has granted an exclusive sit-down with the Today Show's Matt Lauer in which he will announce that he is HIV positive. A development that he seems to think is shocking, despite the fact that his entire adult life has been a flaming, illustrated guide to "HOW TO GUARANTEE YOU WILL DIE OF HIV." Think of one way, any way, of the many ways in which one can contract HIV and Charlie Sheen has done it. Usually while banging nine-gram rocks and/or tatted slags who will later become his lawfully wedded goddesses. Even for a tiger-blooded warlock, that shit's extreme. I mean really: all I did was TYPE what Charlie Sheen does on an average Tuesday afternoon and I've broken out in a rash. Are cooties contagious? Jesus! I'm crawling with them!

RELATED It's pretty bad when even Rihanna finds your antics distasteful.