Wednesday, 4 November 2015


halle berry, david justice, eric benet, olivier martinez
Halle Berry's exes David Justice, left, and Eric Benet are shitting all over her on Twitter, demonstrating in 140 characters or less why she divorced them in the first place.

Barely one week after Halle Berry announced that she has filed for divorce from Olivier Martinez, her  previous embittered exes are working themselves into an orgiastic frenzy of misogyny on social media. In case you haven't checked Twitter lately (Congratulations! You're smart!), Halle's exes David Justice and Eric Benet are publicly slamming her, calling her everything but a white woman. "Me, Eric, Gabriel and Olivier were all her 'Knight in Shining Armor'  until it ends ...Then we all become the worst guys in history," David Justice tweeted Monday night. Eric Benet swiftly added a tweet of support, illiterately noting: "My man is tweeting some truth dis mornin'!"  

Never mind that these shitheads are variously alleged to have hit her and cheated on her, these dudes are ganging up in classic "Bros Before Hoes" formation and nothing, least of all  decency, will throw them off the scent. It's a tactic driven by the aggressively patriarchal urge to put a bitch in her place, an urge so goddam powerful and pervasive I'm beginning to think we bitches ought to just flat-out steal it from them. (Equal rights, I think it's called? Somebody give me a post in Justin Trudeau's cabinet!)

And so, although I don't know Halle from a hole in the ground, I hereby pledge my support for HER side of the story, no matter what her story is. GIRLS BEFORE CHURLS, bitches! Get it tattooed on your mons pubis. *recoils in horror as moron editor approaches with oozing tattoo gun* Ouch!!! Not mine, you idiot!

RELATED Remember when Halle's current ex turned her other ex into a Picasso? Some people shouldn't get married.