Thursday, 5 November 2015

YOU HAVE TO BE GODDAM KIDDING ME, GWEN STEFANI

gwen stefani, blake shelton, the voice,
GWEN STEFANI HAS CONFIRMED THAT SHE IS DATING BLAKE SHELTON  
Which confuses me, because seriously, did anybody ask? 
Wikipedia

In the surest sign it's the slowest celebrity news day since that time I posted about Avril Lavigne's retarded Hello Kitty collection, freshly divorced Gwen Stefani has confirmed that, yes, yes she IS dating freshly divorced Blake Shelton ... you know, Blake Shelton? The country music star and coach on The Voice? Yeah, that Blake Shelton ... after months of denying it when absolutely  nobody, ever, asked if it was true. Stefani apparenly coyly "confessed" when pressed by Ryan Seacrest (Jesus Christ, if I have to type one more inane celebrity name my hands are going to explode), tittering: "I'm not going to answer that but I think he's hot, don't you?" 

Well I hate to break it to you, dear, but no. Nobody thinks Blake Shelton is hot. In fact, I'd argue that thinking Blake Shelton is hot is a five-alarm clue that you are having a post-divorce meltdown and aren't in your right mind. Let's test this theory by looking at some photos of certifiably not-hot men, shall we? Answer truthfully, Gwen: does this one make your pulse race? How about this one? And this one? Yes? Jesus. It's official.