Monday, 28 March 2016

HAPPY EASTER FROM GOD, JESUS AND THE KARDASHIANS

I'M PRETTY SURE GOD HIMSELF APPLIED THAT 'GOD IS GOOD' EMOJI 
to this Easter Sunday message from the Kardashians. 
 Snapchat

There are many people I think of when I think of church and Easter Sunday, and none of them are Kardashians. And yet apparently the entire Kardashian coven observes "an annual Easter tradition" that entails dressing in slut garb, finding the most outlandish partner imaginable and heading to church. And then daring the pews not to burst into flames. 

This year, because Bruce became Caitlyn, Scott Disick bailed out of wedlock and Kanye refuses to attend any church that doesn't have his face frescoed onto the ceiling, the menfolk were in scant supply. Which is the only explanation I can come up with for why Khloe chose to drag Lamar away from his drool bib and therapeutic hooker mags and forced him to come and pray with her. Which is nothing short of a miracle because, as E Online fake-innocently notes: "Odom has never been photographed attending church services over the holidays" before. Or at all. 

Look, I'm all in favour of prayer and forgiveness and what-not, but jeez louise, could this family be any more goddam sacriligiously ridiculous? Oh, wait, is that 60-year-old Kris Jenner's barely legal bouncer-slash-boyfriend Corey Gamble escorting her into the sacred place of worship? Yup. Just answered my own question.