Sunday, 19 June 2016

JUSTIN BIEBER FELL OFF A STAGE; IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT

JUSTIN BIEBER, MOMENTS BEFORE PLUMMETING TO HIS NEAR-DEMISE
This never would have happened if he'd been wearing a damn belt. 
(View the irresistible video evidence below.)

You know that thing that you keep wishing and imagining and fantasizing would happen to Justin Bieber, I mean fantasize so hard that it's almost like it actually happened? That thing where the earth just opens up and swallows him while he's fiddling with his ridiculous pantaloons or whatever the kids call those things nowadays? Yeah, well congratulations. It DID actually happen. On stage. In Saskatoon (which was a nice touch, Jesus; I didn't realize you too have a sense of humour, perhaps we should get together for a drink sometime!) during his Purpose world tour. Once he recovered from the shock of discovering that somebody booby-trapped the stage in anticipation of his pants-fiddling arrival, the Biebs laughed the whole thing off as a cosmic joke, telling the crowd: "Good thing I’m like a cat and I landed on my feet. That scared the f… out of me." Yeah well it didn't scare me, Biebs, in fact I am at this very moment watching this video over and over and over in an unstoppable loop and wondering if there's some way I can wish this into happening to my moron editor.