|IN THE BRIEF MOMENTS BETWEEN ATTACKING VARIOUS WEAKLINGS ON TWITTER, |
Kelly Osbourne found time to share this picture of her butt-ugly new haircut — Le Mental Patient, conveniently shaved to show the doctors where to make the lobotomy incision.
Because she has the soul of a hyena, the overfed ego of most celebrity brats and the brains of Ozzie Osbourne, I suppose I should not be surprised every time Kelly Osbourne opens her mouth and pus comes out. And yet, here I am getting myself in a snit over Kelly's latest ridiculous feud, which is quite possibly her most ridiculous feud yet. (Although that Gaga throwdown was pretty epic.)
Basically, what happened was Kelly snubbed Paris at Coachella and Paris responded by calling her a "bitch." And then of course Kelly responded by whipping out her cellphone and tweeting a horse's arse of a "retort" for the benefit of the 3.65 MILLION LOSERS who deem her worthy of following, a brilliant, shimmering put-down of the sort Dorothy Parker would have totally tweeted if she were alive (and stupid), to wit:
@ParisHilton please grow up there is no need to act like a child you could of happily joined us! it's not 2005 no one cares!
— Kelly Osbourne (@KellyOsbourne) April 13, 2014
Those of you who have been paying attention to Kelly's tantrums will have noticed by now that she can't spell her way out of a paper bag. And also that she conveniently targets the weakest and lowest-hanging celebrity fruit. I mean, seriously, Paris Hilton? Most of us had forgotten she even existed ... and would have preferred to keep it that way.
Just once, I'd like to see Kelly pick a fight with a formidable opponent. Someone who might respond by kicking the living shit out of her as opposed to wanly flailing back via Twitter. Someone like, say, Madonna. Or Rihanna. Or, if we're really looking for pyrotechnics, Naomi Campbell. Now there's a bitch who knows what a cellphone was meant for. And it sure as hell isn't tweeting.
EDITOR'S NOTE: Perhaps the poor thing just needs to eat something?
MY NOTE: Exactly. Would madame care for Naomi Campbell's BlackBerry as an appetizer?